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sexual pain

Pain is perhaps one of the most frustrating challenges to deal with because it can make us feel so out of control and at the mercy of our own bodies while at the same time we struggle to not blame ourselves for somehow not being able to take away the pain. 

 

We can often struggle with shame about our pain, saying often to ourselves "what's wrong with me and my body, why do I keep failing at controlling my body!?"​

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When it comes to sexual pain, we aren't just dealing with the physical pain or the struggle with our mindsets, we also have to deal with the relational component.  That is, our pain affects not just our minds and bodies, but also our spouse's minds and bodies, and impacts the health of our marriages too.

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This is where our pain problem can balloon into marital issues -

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  • We may avoid sex,

  • We may avoid affection,

  • We may avoid emotional intimacy,

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all because we are afraid of things leading us to pain.

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You're not crazy for not wanting sex if you experience pain!

Any person would want to avoid an experience that can cause pain.  The problem becomes that the couple finds themselves in a vicious cycle:

the previous painful experience leads to fear of the pain for future experiences which leads to sexual avoidance which can lead to all forms of physical intimacy avoidance which can then lead to emotional intimacy avoidance over time.

Headache

If you find yourself stuck in this vicious cycle, we are here for you!

 

First and foremost you should know you are not alone.  Sexual pain disorders like Vaginismus and Vulvodynia are pretty common and can affect anyone for a variety of reasons, many of which can be treated by a pelvic floor specialist in conjunction with sex therapy.  

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At Embrace, our perspective when treating sexual pain disorders is that the pain is a 'we' problem not a 'me' problem.  This means that both spouses in the coupleship work together to create a sex life that is pain free, not just the person experiencing the pain.

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And, we don't just help you get to the root of the pain (don't worry, we aren't going to spend years psychoanalyzing your childhood!) and eliminate it, we also help you restore and build the emotional intimacy that may have gotten lost when you were trying to avoid the pain.  

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If you are ready to get rid of your pain and turn your vicious cycle into a virtuous one filled with love, connection, and pleasure, ​you've come to the right place.

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